Parenthood Journey

Have you ever thought about your priorities as a parent?

I took parenting classes at Bellevue College when my oldest was just an infant, and one of the first questions posed was about: what kind of adult do you want your kids to grow up to be? The top themes included: Confident, Independent, and Kind.

How do you develop confidence, independence, and kindness? I realize that to develop these skills, kids must practice them. And to practice them, parents must get out of their way. To that end - I borrowed a few ideas from work; in this case, the "RACI" Framework, to level set my expectations for my role and responsibilities as a parent. In this model - a parent gradually shifts focus as the kids get older, and continue to support them in different ways. During the first years, parents are responsible for the day-to-day (e.g. feeding, changing, cleaning). As kids grow and begin to gain independence from toddlerhood, responsibility shifts to the child. While parents are always Accountable until adulthood, their role in their kids development journey also begin to transition into Consulted. And finally - when kids are fully independent adults - they make their own decisions and we (hope) that we remain informed.

So far, I have not transitioned to the Consulted stage yet. However, I have leaned into several low-stakes opportunities to support independent decision making. For example, when my kids ask permission for screen time, we set expectations for when/why they should get screentime. In this way, they know when and why I will say yes, and they have full control of their decisions and actions.